All I ever wanted
by TTRaven4Ever
Summary: He was all she ever wanted, but sometimes you don't get what you want. NOT A HAPPY FANFICTION! nightwing/rae sorta. Rated M for suicide


_**Hey people, for those of you whom are waiting for me to post another chapter of 'The Gypsy and The Pirate' I'm working on it! Be warned pplz, this fan-fiction is **_**_kinda sad, cuz i'm sorta depressed. No worried though cuz i've been feeling better :D! i just needed to get this outta my system, SO NO FLAMING!!! thanx!_**

**_DISCLAIMER! okay you pissy headed pricks, i don't own the fucking teen titans(though i soo wish i did!)  
_**

**Raven's POV**

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People say that he and Starfire are match made in heaven, that they everything about each other, but they're wrong. True, she knows some things about him, but unknown to anyone else, I know more. So much more. Yet, after everything I've done to try to make him see that, he still went to Tameran and married, yeah married, her. I guess I just thought that all those light reassuring pats on the arm meant, I don't know, more. But I was wrong. Boy was I wrong.

Who am I?

I am evil, trying her hardest to do good. I am the dark one, the creepy one, and the only one who couldn't remove her mask, even if she wanted to. And I really want to. The truth is, I am all of these things and more, but I am more commonly referred to as Raven.

I'm 23 years old, and one of the five original Titans. We're just Titans now, no Teen in the front. I still wear my cloak, though it's straight up black now, and I no longer wear my leotard. Now, I wear a dress type outfit made out of the same material as my leotard with slits to my hips (maybe a little lower) with the same jewel belt and high heeled boots up to my knees. In fact, I was the very last one to change my look, hell even Cyborg looks different now.

We still fight crime, and go out for pizza, though I rarely join them for their favorite treat. I stay in my room all of the time now, except for training (with the whole team), fighting crime, and to get my mandatory cup of herbal tea. I don't even come out for Christmas anymore, always faking some sort of sickness, though I'm beginning to think that Nightwing's catching on. In fact, I don't think he ever fully fell for it.

If only he knew the way I look at him, even if it's a glance. His well chiseled features, always giving off a determined and focused air, and his body, more muscled than ever. But it doesn't matter if he doesn't notice, because he's not mine. I don't have a beautiful daughter with him, and I 'm certainly not married to him. No, that's Starfire's place, beside him as his one and only love. I fall into the category of 'sister-I-never-had' or perhaps it's 'best friend' or maybe even 'person-whom-I share-a bond-with, therefore-who-I-can-always-talk-to'.

It doesn't matter, all that really does is that I'm not the one he gives those looks of pure love and affection. That's all I ever wanted.

* * *

At one point in my life (one that I have trouble pin pointing) I thought that I was the one he trusted the most.

I knew his real name, and I was the only one to see his beautiful eyes, whether they sparkled with joy or were filled with tears. Such knowledge kept me above the waves of depression, and made me feel somewhat superior to the others to have such a privilege. But he cruelly ripped it out my hands and put it with the others. He never comes to talk to me anymore, now always talking with his wife, or Cyborg. We never have a moment alone, and if we do, it's for him to lecture me that we only arrest the villains, and not nearly kill them with our power.

I just can't help it though, I have to get rid of my emotions. I know what he's thinking. He thinks I'm starting to go off the deep end. Maybe he's right, I'm not even sure anymore. I'm just so damn confused. I'm scared that I'll be kicked off the team, then off the Titans period. These people are my family, and I just can't afford to lose them. They are all I have. They make me feel some what welcome, and at one point in my life, that was all I ever wanted.

* * *

But I want, no **need**, more now. I need someone like him, some one kind, compassionate, and who truly understands me. Some one whom I can trust not to betray me (like a current blonde geomancer) , and some one I can tell my deepest secrets to, and who will ravish me occasionally when he realizes I need him as much as he needs me. Yet somehow I know that I'll never have someone like him, so graceful and trust worthy.

I feel so insignificant next to his blinding light, but he always finds a place for me there. He'll never know how much I treasure him, how much I wish he would whisper such sweet nothings into my ear.

That's all I ever wanted. ..

* * *

But that doesn't matter anymore. Because my life is swiftly coming to its end with every step I take. I stop in front of the door marked 'Raven' and enter my code.

The door slides open, and I carefully step inside. My sanctuary, so dark and depressing, shall serve as the last place I see. I inhale the familiar scent of lavender and smile. My mirror cracks, but at the present I really don't give a fuck. I slowly unclasp my cloak, its ebony material reminding me of my power.

I walk around my room, for the last time, kissing the picture of Nightwing and placing the letter I wrote on my desk. Finally my circuit is done. I pick up a knife, one that will ensure any demon, half or whole, immediate death within minutes of the incision. It'll take me slightly longer, maybe five to ten, but none the less, I'll be dead.

The knife, a silver blade, its handle depicting a Raven with blood stained teeth and four ruby eyes. Sinister really, but I don't mind.

I position the knife along my vein, then cut into my wrists, watching the black blood that once flowed through my veins drip out. I smile softly, watching it hit my carpet and flower out, making it seem more beautiful than it really is. I unlock my door, letting those who might try to knock come in. Perhaps they won't even knock, and maybe my body will be left in peace. As I feel the cold darkness of death overcome me, I give my best smile, and I hope it's beautiful enough for them. I really do.

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_**Normal POV

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**_

An hour later, Raven was found, dead on her floor with black blood pooling around her wrists. Perhaps it was the knife that puzzled them, or the fact that her blood was black, or the fact that she had actually committed suicide. No one truly knows, but those who knew the five original Titans the best still stick to the theory that it was the smile that settled on her face. It seemed that in her last few minutes she was truly happy.

And that's all she ever wanted.

_Fin_

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**Okay, so that's that. I hope you liked it AND NO I'M NOT FUCKING SUICIDAL!!! ahem, sorry...**

**Please review, but don't flame, 'cuz they really depress me or just piss me off. And neither is good for your or my health. The voices in my head say hi.**

**-TTRaven4Ever  
**


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